AKO???…

Here’s the scenario.

You and me.

Just the two of us. NO one else. Say, in an abandoned warehouse.

We were having a conversation. This and that. Chit chat yada yada. Then I asked YOU something direct like: ‘Who’s youre favorite cartoon character?’ or ‘Where did you attended high school?’

And you go answer me with: ‘Ako??? …Uhm, probably Donald Duck.’

You deserve to get a high five…in the face.

I mean I understand its probably a ‘filler’ while you try and gather your thoughts and have your answer all wrapped up with a ribbon on it.

But c’moooon man.

Brrraaaaiinnnsss…

It all started with the Night of the Living Dead.

Zombies. Blood. Brains. Walkers. Dead brought back to life by some virus. Apocalypse. End of days. All that thanks to a gentleman named George A. Romero. His movie served as a trailblazer for the next generation of horror flicks involving ghoules and ‘the undead’.

Zombadings doesn’t count.

For some reason, I’m a sucker for movies that has an apocalyptic feel. Probably because I was a born-again Christian who firmly believed in the rapture and the rise of the ‘anti-Christ’ when I was younger. I grew up worrying about that shit, man. To the extent that I have a mild phobia with scanners and stuff that has bar codes because according to my hardcore born-again christian Mom, its the governments insidious way of getting our information and invading our privacy. No. My Mom’s not on some illegal substance when she was telling me that. 

Any movies or books that tells the story of human survival in a world where everything is in rubbles and almost all human beings are DEAD, I go for it.

So I stumbled on The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.

I didn’t actually bought the book and read it – I downloaded the audiobook version and listened to it for 2 days. (cheater!)

Until this day, it gives me chills when I recall how detailed and realistic the author was in dissecting the entire ZOMBIE phenomenon. He tackled EVERYTHING and I mean from the anatomy, behaviour, senses, tendencies and how humans can best defend themselves from these brain eating ghoules.  

But I didn’t stopped there, I went on searching for more Zombie-related entertainment and so I downloaded the WORLD WAR Z by Max Brooks audiobook. Not really a sequel but this one is more like listening to testimonies of people who survived a fictional Zombie apocalypse that happened 10 years ago. The narratives were superb and its so good, I tend to forget that its all fictional. 

The movie version of WORLD WAR Z gives justice to the book in terms of ‘illustrating’ (lack of a better word) the zombies and how they behave. Forget about the story because it was inconsistent with the book. But man, they really executed the scenes to perfection.

Brooks’s zombies are FAST. Not the slow, walking, fragile, decomposing ones you see in the Walking Dead and that’s the scariest shit in the world, man. Not one, not five slow footed walkers trying to get you – but A GODDAMN  SWARM of RUNNING, rabies infected killers. This is the main reason why World War Z appealed to me. It took the whole Zombie perception to a whole new level.

So what’s my fucking point?

Wala lang. Mahilig lang talaga ko sa mga Zombie movies.

29 years on Planet Earth

Birthdays aren’t always FUN when I was growing up. In hindsight, all my birthdays that I can recall were all lousy and typical. Nothing special happened. No gifts, no parties. No blowjobs (blowing candles on cakes, Stifler). Not even a freaking cake. 

The reason?

My Dad never believed in those bullshit. Sure, my mom, from time to time will try to convince me that she will bake a 20 pound chocolate cake for me. But she will always end up cooking Spaghetti instead. (You’re forgiven, Mom)

So Dad, the ever so practical Chinese caveman that he is, would rather give me CASH. Oh, I love CASH. When you’re 10-years old, 500 pesos means more than its monetary value. For me, 500 pesos means I get to be king for a day.

Now that I’m older. All I want for my birthday is to have some peace of mind. Some dynamite cheese sticks. Some booze. 90’s Hip-hop playing in the background and just SLACK OFF for a day. Don’t need no cash. Don’t need no cake and all those party people thrashing your place. None of those man.

I will be celebrating my 29th birthday on Monday. Wish me luck.

Despicable YOU

Nakakaturete na mga tsong.

When the movie DESPICABLE ME came out back in 2010, I can’t remember hearing people say ‘awww, these minions are sooo cute!’ All I heard from people back then was how UNFUNNY the movie was. To some extent, people said it was boring as a 72-year old grandmother stitching an old pillowcase back to form.

Flashforward to 2013 and people are crazy about these yellow weirdoes.

They’re instagramming it. Tweeting about it. Its now even a FREE TOY when you eat at Jollibee.

What the fuck happened? Did they suddenly realized that these minions are actually ‘cute’ and ‘funny’? They definitely weren’t all up in arms in celebrating the existence of these Minions in our society 3 years ago. Seriously, what caused this annoying ‘Minions Fever’?!

One word: BANDWAGONERS

If you lived in a fucking rock for the past 10 years, these are people who think something is cool simply because a bunch of people around him/her and social media think it is cool.

I see what you did there, Gru.

 

Oh well.